Timor
by Anasatsia98
Summary: "Lucy Locket lost her pocket, Kitty Fisher found it; not a penny was there in it, only ribbon round it."-unknown. She could hear the short gasps and groans from the foot of her bed and she buried herself deeper under the mass of covers that surrounded her. She knew that it wasn't going to leave. It didn't matter who she was with or where she was, it would never leave her alone.
1. i

_The hallway was barely visible and, to make sure she didn't run into a vase again, she trailed her hand against the wall. Not only would the loud crash wake everybody up, but it would also give Luke another thing to tease her about. She could practically hear it now, the 'are you sure you don't need glasses, Lou?' and the 'watch out, vase! Lucy's coming!"._

 _A cool breeze brought Lucy out of her thoughts and she couldn't help but shiver, bringing Mr. Berry closer to her chest. Out of fear or for warmth, she wasn't sure, but she did know that it was a particularly hot summer night and there hadn't been a single breeze until now. Lucy gnawed on her lip as she passed the first door, and took a deep breath. Her room was only three down from Nellie and Luke's, she had two more to go and then she would be safe._

 _A sharp gasp left her lips as she heard a creak from behind her and she whipped around, her hazel eyes wide as she examed the hallway. She couldn't see anybody, but that didn't mean that_ _ **something**_ _wasn't there. Lucy had quickly learned in this house that you couldn't see everything you feared._

 _Swallowing, she turned back around and continued to walk down the hall, the second door not even a foot away. The creaking behind her had started again, and Lucy picked up her pace. She needed to get to their room. That was the only place she was safe._

 _"Lucy Locket lost her pocket, Kitty Fisher found it;" Lucy whispered to herself, the sound of her voice was comforting in the uneasy silence that rested in this house, "Not a penny was there in it, only ribbon round it."_

 _Her little feet paddled quickly past the second and third door and she was only a mere matter of inches away from Luke and Nellie's when she felt the familiar tingle on the back of her neck. Stopping in her tracks, she twisted her neck slightly, enough to see out of the corner of her eye before booking it to the room._

 _As quickly and as quietly as she could, she twisted the doorknob and entered the room, freezing at the long, eery creak the door made as she pushed it. Her eyes skipped between the two beds and she sighed when she realized that she hadn't woken either of them up. Lucy turned and closed the door, pressing her ear against it and waiting for the creaks to stop._

 _"Lucy?" She heard Luke and her heart dropped at the fact that she had woken them up. She didn't mean to, she just wanted to be safe. She turned around and watched as Luke rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses, Nellie following as she sat up in her own bed, "What's wrong?"_

 _She couldn't hide it now._

 _"She came again," Lucy said, her voice was barely above a whisper as her eyes filled with tears, and she squeezed Mr. Berry tighter, "She came again and said she wanted to take me away."_

A flash of light flooded Lucy's vision as she let out a gasp and lurched forward in her bed, glancing around the room to see if anyone else was in there with her. There seemed to remnants of a cry echoing throughout the room, but she couldn't tell if it was coming from her mind or from the apartment. Letting out short breaths of air, Lucy pressed her left hand against her chest, the feeling of the cool metal against her warm skin soothing her and allowing her to catch her breath.

It all felt so real.

The tall, pale figure standing at the end of her bed with a chillingly broken smile, the feeling of the oddly soft-but rough-wallpaper underneath her fingertips, Luke's childish voice asking if she was okay. Lucy pressed the tips of her fingers to her temple as collected herself and reassured herself that it was just a dream and that everything was okay.

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she let out a sigh, knowing that she wasn't going to be falling asleep anytime soon. Lucy glanced at the clock and she couldn't help but let out a low laugh.

 _3:03_

Of course it was. What a coincidence that she had woken up at the exact time of the witching hour. _Must be part of the Crain charm,_ she thought.

Stumbling out of bed and bumping into the wall by her door, Lucy clumsily made her way out to her daughter's room. There was no reason for Matilda to be up at this hour, she had been sleeping full nights since she hit five months, but she still liked to check on her. Quietly making her way to the crib, she silently thanked Nell for the baby nightlight in the corner of the room. Peering down, a frown crossed Lucy's face as her daughter's wide, curious eyes stared up at her.

"Hey," Lucy cooed as she lifted Matilda into her arms and began to bounce her up and down, "Why are you up, love?"

Matilda kicked out her legs and cooed at her mother, grasping at Lucy's pajamas-which happened to be one of Luke's old t-shirts. Smiling, Lucy pressed a kiss to the crown of her head before resting her cheek there and cradling her daughter close to her.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Lucy asked, making her way to sit in the rocking chair that was next to the crib-the one that Shirley had given her- and shifting Matilda so that she was staring down at those beautiful blue eyes. The beautiful eyes she got from her father, "I have bad dreams too. Sometimes I wake up and still think that I'm in the dream."

Matilda only looked up at her with curious, doe eyes and reached for a strand of her dark red hair that had escaped the bun Lucy had placed it in earlier.

"Your dad has bad dreams too," Lucy smiled lovingly as she ran a finger down her daughter's rosy cheek, "When we were teenagers, he used to call me every time he had a one and we'd talk on the phone for hours."

The smile slowly fell into a frown as she thought of how the phone calls about dreams turned into phone calls from the police, asking her to come pick him up or to bail him out.

"But I guess talking on the phone wasn't enough to help him."

 _She didn't need a genius to tell her that someone had broken into her apartment. The crack in the door was enough to tell her that she should probably call someone. Pulling out her phone, Lucy stayed far enough from her door to be able to get away if needed but close enough to see the face of whoever was leaving._

 _It only took two rings before he picked up._

 _"Steve," Lucy whispered, her free hand coming up to cradle the bump that was hidden beneath Luke's old sweatshirt, "Someone's in my house and I don't want to call the police because if it's Luke...I don't want him to be away for the birth..."_

 _"I know," She heard Steve sigh, "I'll be there in fifteen."_

 _The moment Lucy had found out she was pregnant, Steve and Leigh had offered for her to come and live with them. While she didn't want to and felt like she intruding on the couples life, Lucy ended up staying there for the first three months of her pregnancy before moving into an apartment in the city—only fifteen minutes away from where Steve lived. Close enough for him to be there for her in case of an emergency and close enough for her to feel safe._

 _Lucy quickly thanked him before saying goodbye and hanging up. Nervously shuffling on her feet, she reached into her bag and grabbed the can of pepper spray that Theo had given her when she heard that she was moving to the city by herself._

 _It was only a mere matter of minutes, five to be exact, before whoever was in her house exited. Lucy felt her heart drop when she saw a familiar hoodie and towering frame quietly try to close the door behind him._

 _"Luke," Lucy called, causing him to jump and drop the bundle underneath his right arm. Lucy sadly watched as the baby carrier that Steve bought her crashed to the ground along with a pair of baby coats and shoes._

 _Sighing, she looked at Luke's other hand, the one that was still tightly clenched in a fist, and gave him a soft look, "What else do I need to replace."_

 _Luke didn't try and meet her eyes as he slowly opened his fist to reveal a pair of diamond earrings and a silver locket._

 _"Well," Lucy pursed her lips, "You can take the earrings, but I was planning on giving them the locket if they were a girl."_

 _It was the locket that her grandmother gave her mom, and her mom gave her. She wasn't sure how far back the tradition went, but she did know that every first born girl got the locket and, if she were honest, she was secreting hoping for a little girl._

 _She watched as Luke's eyes drifted from the ground to her stomach. It was the first time she had mentioned their child to him in a long time. The last time they had been brought up was the day Lucy found out and surprised Luke by telling him that he was going to be a dad. He had been clean for twenty days at that point, and she really thought he was going to make it. Well, that was until she got a phone call from Steve saying that Luke had overdosed on heroin three weeks after the announcement._

 _She knew he didn't want her to see his eyes, but it wasn't like she was going to be any more disappointed than she already was. Watching carefully as Luke took a couple steps forward, she made sure to keep her face passive when his eyes met hers as he towered over her frame. They were as red and as crazed as the time she saw him._

 _The two didn't break eye contact, and if someone saw them out of content, it looked like a rather touching moment between a young couple. It was only when Luke reached his hand forward that the mirage was ruined. Lucy took a step back and placed her hand protectively over her stomach._

 _She saw the hurt in Luke's eyes, but she didn't want him touching her... not like this._

 _"You're, uh, bigger," Luke said, retracing his hand as he sniffled and rubbed his nose. Lucy couldn't stop the small, sad smile that crossed her face._

 _"The last time you saw me was two months ago," Lucy said with a shrug, her hand running across her stomach before dropping to the side, aware of Luke's eyes following her hand._

 _"So, that makes you, uh, four month-"_

 _"Six," Lucy corrected, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, "You saw me at four two months ago. I'm at six months now."_

 _Luke nodded at the news and Lucy didn't know why she was trying to talk to him. He was on a high right now and whatever was being said, he was barely going to remember it when he came down. It broke Lucy's heart because hen Luke was there, really there, he knew how far along she was and would gush about how excited he was to become a dad. She didn't see much of that Luke lately._

 _"Liste-" Luke began before the sound of rushing footsteps caught the young adults attention. Turning, Lucy felt her shoulders subconsciously relax as Steve came into view and slowed his pace, calmly walking towards them. Lucy knew that he was worried and, while his form did show any sign of unease or panic, she could see the worry in his eyes._

 _"Luke," Steve let out sharply, his eyes skimming over Lucy's form to make sure that she was okay. They both knew that Luke would never hurt her, but there had been moments when Luke had so desperately craved the high, that their fights had Steve holding a screaming Luke back and Nell hugging a sobbing Lucy. "Come on, Luke. Leave the stuff. I have some cash you can have."_

"No," Lucy said, the phone resting between her head and her shoulder as she screwed the lid off the baby food, "I haven't seen Luke since, I think, two months ago? I don't know, he wanted to give Matilda a gift but he didn't get a chance to. Yeah, he came when I was at work. Weird you saw him, though.

"Look, Lou, the reason I called," She heard Steve's voice crack and she suddenly noticed how raw his voice was and how weak it sounded, almost like he had been crying, "Nell died last night. She committed suicide at the house."

The sound of glass shattering echoed through the apartment and Lucy could barely hear Steve's frantic, questions asking if she was okay and if he needed to come over.

"You're kidding, right?" Lucy asked, her voice shaking as she knelt down and slowly picked up the broken glass surrounded in mashed yams, trying not to cut her shaking hands, "What do you mean, Nell died last night."

"She...she went to the house and the Dudley's found her... she committed suicide. Luke, Dad, and I are flying down tomorrow for the open casket. I understand that traveling with an infant isn't-"

"I'm coming," Lucy cut him off, dumping the shards of glass in the trash and running her hand under the tap water. She watched as her dark red blood mixed with the translucent water, turning into a light pink, "Send me the details. Oh God, Steve, I'm so sorry."

"Me too, Lou, me too." Steve murmured into the phone, his mind thinking back to the missed phone call from her the night that she... she left.

After saying goodbye and hanging up, Lucy tossed her phone on the counter and stared blankly out the window that was above her sink. Nell... Nellie was gone. The one person that she could always turn to when she needed somebody. The only person who understood why she never gave up on Luke and believed that he could get clean as much as she did.

And now... now she had been taken away.


	2. ii

_"Please, pretty, pretty, pretty, please have a tea party with me." Nellie practically begged, and Lucy looked up from the flower crown she was making, annoyance crossing her face._

 _"I already said no, Nellie," Lucy stated, her thin fingers weaving two Dutch clovers together. Her brows were furrowed in concentration and she reached over her left side to grab a violet from the bushel of leaves, "I don't want to go inside."_

 _"Then we can have it out here," Nellie exclaimed, exasperated that nobody wanted to have a tea party with her. First Steve said he was too busy, then Luke said he wanted to play with his toys, and then Shirley said she wanted to take pictures, and Theo said no._

 _Lucy paused and looked up at Nellie, "Promise?"_

 _"Promise!" Nellie beamed, ecstatic that someone finally agreed to have a tea party with her. "I'll go get the tea set and the cookies that Mrs. Dudley made."_

 _Lucy's ears perked up at the cookies and she couldn't stop the smile from crossing her face. Mrs. Dudley rarely let them have sweets before dinner or without Mr. and Mrs. Crain's permission, and Nellie knew that Lucy was a sucker for anything sweet._

 _"Okay!" Lucy said, clambering to her feet and brushing off her shorts with one hand while the other hand clutched the two flower crowns. Nellie beamed at Lucy once more before turning around and racing towards the house, the wind carrying her hair behind her in an almost regal way._

 _Spinning on the heel of her foot, Lucy happily made her way over towards the gates that led to the yard. Stopping at the person who sat a few feet away from the gates, Lucy clumsily sat down and handed Luke one of the crowns she made. He stared at her blankly and looked at, what he thought, was a poorly strung ring of flowers._

 _"I made you a_ _crown." Lucy said when she noticed the look of confusion that was slowly starting to cross over Luke's face as he picked up the flower crown. "Nellie and I are having a tea party, but a princess," She pointed to the crown, which was a mix of violets and Dutch clovers, on her head, "Needs a prince."_

Lucy intertwined her hands together before pressing the fist she had made against her lips, letting out a determined sigh. It was around seven in the morning and she was _not_ in the mood to lose today. Tucking a strand of her wavy, auburn hair back, Lucy pushed up the glasses that rested on the bridge of her nose and stared at the innocent, blue eyes in front of her. The kitchen table the only thing in between the two.

After a few minutes, Lucy broke the silence.

"Okay, Tilly, here's the deal." She said, and her daughter turned and looked at her when she heard her name, her legs kicking the empty air as she sat in her high chair, "I pack our bags, clean the house, the whole shebang, right? You don't have to worry about a single thing. But, here's the part of the deal that matters, you don't make a sound on the plane ride. You can pull my hair, play with my jewelry, we can watch all your favorite shows and movies, but the only catch is that you gotta stay silent."

Lucy carefully observed Matilda, who let out a high pitch squeal before banging her hands down the tray attached to her high chair.

"Look, I get it," Lucy said, leaning across the table to brush back some of Matilda's hair, "I wouldn't be happy either. It's a long flight, but we both know I can't do anything to change that. Plus, we're going down early so you can spend some time with Aunt Theo and Aunt Shirley."

Matilda let out another cry and Lucy let out a defeated sigh.

There was no way in hell that Matilda was going to stay quiet and she didn't want to bother the other passengers. Lucy didn't know how understanding they would be or if they would all glare a the single-mother-who-couldn't-get-her-kid-quiet.

"I'll even bring the _GoGo Squeez,_ deal?" Lucy finally caved, getting out of her chair and heading to the fridge, opening it and grabbing the applesauce before walking back over and handing it to her daughter, who finally stopped crying.

Slumping back in the chair, Lucy watched as her Matilda happily banged the _GoGo Squeez_ against the highchair's tray, and scratched her forehead. Matilda looked up at Lucy with wide eyes and let out a stream of happy babbles.

"I guess we have a deal then."

 _ **Six years earlier**_

 _The sound of a pen scratching against paper echoed in the eerily quiet room. Lucy tried not to think about how much money this was going to cost. As long as it helped Luke get better, she shouldn't worry about the amount of money. He just needed to get better, that was the number one priority right now._

 _"On the phone, you said he had insurance." The rehab consultant cautiously asked as she stared at the three adults in front of her, taking in their different facial expressions. The darker haired woman seemed to just want to leave while the man gave off an aura of annoyance. The only one who seemed to be worried was the young lady who sat in between the two brunets, her knee bouncing nervously as she looked up from her checkbook._

 _"Right. We thought so. He told us so." Shirley sighed. "This morning we tried to get the info—"_

 _"It had lapsed a few months back." Steve said, cutting Shirley off and going straight to the point, "He didn't—"_

 _"He just didn't tell us," Shirley stated, cutting Steve off and Lucy nervously tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. He hadn't told anyone about the insurance, and it hurt that he felt like he couldn't trust her... that he couldn't trust them._

 _"It happens all the time, I'm afraid, especially with first-timers." The lady said, nodding her head in agreement._

 _"We can still do this. We're going to split the cost," Shirley motioned to the three of them and Lucy awkwardly waved her checkbook, "He needs to be here."_

 _"It's fine. Without an insurance policy, it's six thousand a month," Lucy froze as the number rang in her ear like a firework. Six thousand? She didn't have that much money to spare, not when she was working two to three jobs to pay for their rent. "And we do recommend a four-to-six-month commitment."_

 _"I'm sorry, did you say six thousand?" Shirley asked, looking at the woman in shock. Lucy could feel Steve's gaze on her, but she refused to acknowledge it. She had to be strong, she had to help him get better._

 _"A month." The woman nodded, "That's right."_

 _"And obviously if he had insurance it would be in..." Shirley took a deep breath, "The ballpark of what we discussed on the phone."_

 _"Yes... but if his policy_ _is lapsed..."_

 _"We can just use mine," Lucy suddenly voiced, her hands shaking as she looked between Steve, Shirley, and the lady, "Right? He can use mine or we can put him under my name."_

 _"Lou, that's not gonna work in this situation," Steve said, trying to calm down the young adult. Even though Lucy was a grown woman, Steve still saw her as the crying six-year-old from the summer at Hill House. He even considered her one of his sister's and, if Steve was being honest, she should've been his official sister a few months ago._

 _Lucy let out a shaky breath and nodded, conveying that she understood what Steve was saying. She knew that he was doing this to help her. She also knew that he knew of her current financial struggles and was trying to help her with that too._

 _"The first month for sure," Shirley agreed, "And I can come back in two weeks... with some_ _more,_ _if I move some things around."_

 _"Yeah, I'll send mine around the same time." Lucy nodded, wincing as she bit on her lip a bit too hard before wincing at the sudden metallic taste._

 _"That's fine," The woman nodded, "We can see how the first month goes."_

 _Lucy looked down at the checkbook in her lap as she slowly wrote the amount of money, hearing Shirley sigh in the background. She knew everything was going to be okay. She just needed Luke to go to rehab and get better, and then things would be okay._

 _"I'm sorry, Shirl... Lou," Steve sighed as the three of them walked back to the waiting room. Steve was fidgeting with his checkbook, the leather cover sliding smoothing between his fingers, as Shirley grasped her purse strap and Lucy clenched her wallet tight in her hand._

 _"It's fine," Shirley assured him, and Lucy nodded in agreement. She couldn't seem to speak, her mind was busy thinking about how she was going to be able to pay for this month's rent and if she was going to need to get another job._

 _"I can still—"_

 _"You can pay me back when you're a famous writer," Shirley cut him off with a smile and Steve chuckled awkwardly._

 _"You might not wanna hold your breath." Steve said, taking off his glasses as the three turned the corner, "Apparently historical fiction is out of vogue."_

 _Lucy quickened her pace when she saw Luke's face come into view. She wanted to feel his arms around her and to feel reassurance that he was going to try his best this time but stopped alongside Steve and Shirley. Luke looked... content. He was sitting next to Nell, who was reading a_ _pamphlet,_ _and was reading over her shoulder. A smile crossed Lucy's face, she hadn't seen him look this relaxed in a long time. The collar of his blue long-sleeved shirt was lazily falling towards the left, emphasizing how big it was on him, and his face was freshly shaven._

 _But as calm as he seemed, she could see the nervousness dance in his eyes and the light tap of his fingers against his knee._

 _"You're all set," Shirley said, causing Luke, Nell, and Theo to look up at the three of them—well, four counting the rehab woman._

 _"Yeah." Luke said, getting up slowly and Lucy began to make her way towards him, "What do I, uh..."_

 _"We're all set," The lady said, finally catching Luke's attention as Lucy wrapped her arms around his waist, her head resting on his chest, and he responded by pulling her close, "We're going to need a UA."_

 _"What?" Luke questioned and Lucy looked up at him, not surprised to see that his eyes were red and droopy._

 _"Urine Analysis." The lady smiled, "First time, huh?"_

 _"Did you know they have horseback riding?" Nell cut in as she stared at the pamphlet in shock. Lucy rolled her eyes and squeezed Luke tighter to her. To some, it seemed that Nell hadn't been listening to the conversation, but Lucy knew, they all knew, that this was Nell's way of coping with the situation, "They have horseback riding."_

 _"A UA, right," Luke said, taking a step forward and letting go of Lucy's waist as she let go of his. She didn't move from where she was behind him, though, "What if-what if there's still..."_

 _"It's okay if you're not clean. We just need to know how dirty."_

 _"All right," Luke muttered as he took the container from her hands, hesitating before turning around to look at his family, "Aw, shit. Wish me luck."_

 _Theo was the first one to give Luke a hug goodbye, an action that surprised the family since she made it so clear that she didn't like to be touched. Luke turned, catching Lucy's eye, and she motioned for him to hug Shirley, who had stepped forward. The interaction between the two was so short that no one in the Crain family saw it._

 _"We love you_ _so_ _much," Shirley whispered as she squeezed Luke tight before pulling back and looking him in the eye, hearing his shaky breath, "You can do this."_

 _"Thanks," Luke nodded before walking to Steve, the two brothers quickly hugging._

 _"Anything you need," Steve said._

 _Nell was the last one of the family to say goodbye, smushing her face into her brother's chest as he squeezed her tight. Lucy bit her lip as she watched the two say goodbye and good luck. She knew that this was the hardest part for them, saying goodbye to one another. They were twins, together since birth, and_ _now_ _one was leaving._

 _"You got this," Nell stated._

 _"Yeah," Luke stuttered, letting go and turning around to face Lucy, the last person to say goodbye._

 _"Lou," He began, but in two short steps, she was hugging him tightly, with him hugging her just as vigorously. She knew that she was going to cry but she also knew that she couldn't let him see her tears. She didn't want him to feel any worse than he already did, "Lou, I'm so sorry—"_

 _"It's okay," Lucy cut him off, pulling away and looking up at him. Stepping on her tippy toes, she gently grabbed the back of his neck and pulled his head down, lightly pressing a kiss to his lips and pulling away, staring into his cerulean blue eyes, "It's okay. Just get better."_

 _Luke nodded and he brushed back a strand of her hair, his eyes searching hers before he pressed his lips against hers once more. Stepping away, Lucy gave a little wave goodbye as he followed the lady back, a sad smile gracing her lips._

 _"They have horses," Nell called, fidgeting with the pamphlet, and Lucy pulled her into a hug._

 _"He can do it." Shirley stated, her voice unwavering with confidence, "He's gonna do it."_


	3. iii

_Hazel eyes, that leaned more towards brown than they did green, peered over the edge of the cardboard box and stared down at the kittens that lay mewling and wriggling. They_ _weren't all one solid color, something that Lucy found very interesting, but instead were mixtures of white, brown, black, and a little orange. She had never seen a kitten before; her mother had told her that they were too fragile for her clumsy hands, but here they were... and they were a lot smaller than she thought they'd be._

 _"There's five of them like there's five of us," Luke said as he stared curiously at the kittens before looking at Nell and Shirley. Lucy couldn't stop the sharp pain that shot through her chest at his words. Even though she knew that these people considered her family, as she did to them, she would never be an actual part of their family no matter how hard she tried._

 _"That's what I thought," Shirley smiled, reaching over and placing down one of the kittens she had just fed-a brown and black one to be specific, "Until I saw this."_

 _Lucy shifted on her knees and watched, her eyes filled with awe as Shirley lifted up the blanket at the bottom of the box to reveal a sixth sleeping kitten, one that was pure black and extremely small compared to its siblings. Tilting her head, Lucy leaned closer to the box and examined the kitten. Even though it was comparatively smaller, it rested peacefully and seemed to be at ease underneath the blanket, even though it was being crawled over by its siblings._

 _"That one's me," Nellie giggled, pointing to a black and white kitten who happened to be crawling over a white and brown one._

 _"That must be Luke then," Lucy added, the two girls looking at one another before bursting into a fit of giggles and ignoring Luke's glare._

 _"Like this," Shirley interrupted, one handing holding a kitten and another holding a dropper. From her spot in between Nellie and Luke, Lucy shifted to her knees and leaned forward, watching as Shirley placed a small drop on the kitten's nose, "You get... just enough and you drop a little on their nose, because their eyes aren't open yet and they need to know it. See? And then when they open."_

 _With inquisitive eyes and a tilted head, Lucy watched as the kitten flicked out its small—so small that Lucy couldn't believe her eyes—tongue and licked its nose, the milk vanishing._

 _"Wow," Nellie sighed in amazement and Shirley looked at her with a grin, happy that at least somebody else found it as amazing as she did._

 _"Do you wanna try it?"_

For whatever odd reason, Lucy was nervous to see Shirley again.

It wasn't as if she and Shirley had ended off on the wrong foot or if they had gotten into a fight recently, nothing of that matter had happened for a few years now. The last argument they had was a year or two ago over Luke, but it was nothing major, nothing like the fights they used to have.

So, pushing her nerves aside and bouncing on the balls of her feet, Lucy knocked on Shirley's door before quickly distracting herself by fixing the blankets that surrounded Matilda. Thankfully, Matilda had managed to sleep through the entire flight—only waking up once or twice for food or for a change. Lucy couldn't help but smile at how peaceful Matilda looked at the moment and she wished that Luke was here to see her, see how much she'd grown.

It was true, Luke had come to see Matilda and Lucy two months ago. However, like she told Steve, he hadn't gotten the chance to see Matilda. Lucy worked as a waitress at a restaurant located a block away from the daycare, and Luke had come in the middle of her shift. They ate together during her lunch break. It made Lucy feel like she was seven years in the past, around the time Luke started to get really bad, but through all the mess and frenzy, he never forgot to meet her for lunch.

It was probably because she paid for it, now that she thought about it.

The blanket that was currently keeping her daughter warm and protected from the cold was the blanket that Luke wanted to gift Matilda himself. Without thinking, she pulled out her phone and snapped a pic before scrolling through her contacts, her thumb hesitating over his name. He didn't have his phone, there was no point; and, at that, Lucy canceled the text just as she heard the door open, a smile pulling at her lips.

"Shirl, hey." Lucy barely had time to finish before Shirley had pulled her into a hug. Lucy's eyes fluttered closed as she clung to Shirley, finally feeling like she didn't have to be strong for a moment.

Shirley and Steve had always been the rocks of the family. They kept the family upright through thick and thin, even though they fought constantly. But, to Lucy, Shirley and Steve were her older siblings. The people who protected her from the media and helped her in the house and out of the house. When Lucy was with Shirley, she felt like she could didn't have to be the strong pillar holding up her family, but when she was Steve, she felt safe and protected by her older brother.

"Lou," Shirley breathed out as she squeezed her tighter before pulling back and giving her a once over, "How are you?"

"As good as one can be." Lucy smiled tightly before slightly bending to pick up the car seat, "But how are you?"

"Well, yesterday I finished, uh, 'getting Nell ready', but I'm trying." Shirley said, rubbing her arms and Lucy smiled, shifting the carrier weight in her arms. Shirley finally seemed to notice and her eyes widened as her mouth fell open into a gasp, "She must be freezing. I'm so sorry. Please, come inside."

"It's okay," Lucy said, smiling in thanks as she entered Shirley's home and making sure to take her shoes off before walking any further into the house.

Lucy looked around the house as Shirley led her to the kitchen, most likely going to offer a cup of tea or coffee, and she couldn't help but notice how much the house embodied Shirley's personality. It was clean and she wouldn't have thought that children lived here if it weren't for the two sets of shoes at the door. Everything was crisp, pristine, and in order.

Letting out a low groan as she heaved Matilda's carrier onto the island, her face broke into a grin when she saw that Matilda had woken up, her eyes blinking sleepily as Lucy gently placed the pacifier in her mouth.

"Hey, darling," Lucy cooed, moving the blanket out of the way and unbuckling the buckle. A laugh escaped her lips as Matilda kicked her legs wildly and Lucy situated her onto her hip, "You're happy to see Auntie Shirley, aren't you?"

"She's gotten so big," Shirley said, approaching the two and staring at her niece, who looked back at her with owlish eyes, "Her eyes... they're so much like-"

"Luke's? Yeah." Lucy finished, her attention still on Matilda and she tickled her stomach, smiling at how Matilda happily let out a stream of giggles, her pacifier falling from her mouth.

"Can I... can I hold her?" Shirley hesitantly asked and Lucy immediately nodded, her eyes wide.

"Of course! You don't need to ask," Lucy shifted Matilda into Shirley's open arms, placing the pacifier back into Matilda's mouth when she saw the corner of her lips turn down, "You're her Aunt."

The two sat in a comfortable silence, Shirley giving Matilda a majority of her attention while Lucy began to make two cups of tea. When she turned back, Lucy was surprised to see that Shirley had moved to the corner and was standing in front of a portrait of her, Luke, and Nell at graduation. Quietly placing the two mugs down, she made her way over to the two and took her place to the left of Shirley. Tickling the bottom of her Matilda's foot and giggling when she kicked her little foot and gave a whine of aggravation, she listened to Shirley.

"That's you're Auntie Nellie," Shirley said, pointing to a younger Nell, who was smiling at the camera, "And there's your mommy, and there's your daddy."

"I was also so jealous that he did better in school than me," Lucy admitted, meeting Shirley's gaze before turning to look back at the photo. Luke had his arm thrown around both girls and was smiling brightly at the camera, Nell smiling while she looked up at him, her eyes twinkling with happiness and hope for the future, "He always seemed to slack and when he would do better on tests, I would get so angry. I would spend hours studying for a test while he played video games or whatever and he would still do better."

Shirley let chuckle and Lucy looked at her, "Luke did study. All the time. I asked him about it one day and he said that he wanted to be able to provide for you in the future—your future together."

 _The dark red dress was billowy enough to cover the small bump when she stood, but the moment Lucy moved, it would wrap around her stomach, emphasizing the bump and the unwanted attention she got from it. Nervously, Lucy checked her phone and frowned when she didn't see the notification she wanted._

 _"Shirl," Lucy started, freezing when she saw Nell's cheery face. The words that rested on the tip of her tongue died away and Lucy could only stare in awe, "My God, Nell. You look... beautiful."_

 _Nell flushed at her words and looked away, self-consciously tucking back a strand of hair. Meeting her oldest friend, and maid of honor's gaze, Nell's face beamed._

 _"Thanks, Lou, you look stunning as well." Lucy smiled at the compliment before turning back to at Shirley, "Have you?"_

 _Shirley shook her head, "No, I thought-"_

 _Lucy's head tilted to the side in confusion as she stopped talking, her face hardening before she roughly put the makeup brushes down. Nell seemed to share her confusion and shared a concerned looked with Lucy before looking back at Shirley._

 _"What is it?"_

 _"Nothing. I should be right back. We'll finish up." Shirley's voice was tight when she responded, almost as if she was upset about something._

 _Lucy was prepared to watch Shirley storm and harass whatever being had offended her—if so much as a pigeon looked at her wrong it seemed to set her off nowadays—when Shirley lightly grabbed her upper arm and pulled her out with her, Lucy sending Nell a pleading look as she was dragged out to which Nell shrugged, watching with confusion_

 _The bitter wind nipped harshly at Lucy's bare arms and she shivered as she followed Shirley out the front door, her heart dropping as she saw what made Shirley upset. Although his shirt was untucked and he looked a mess, Lucy thought he'd never looked more handsome. Her paced slowed and her hand fell to the small bump, cradling it as she watched Shirley marched up to him._

 _"Hey," Luke smiled, and Lucy hated that her heart fluttered at the sound of his voice, "Hey, I didn't know if this was the—"_

 _"The hell, Luke?" Lucy watched as Shirley pushed him away from the window, looking frantically to see if anyone saw him._

 _"What?" Luke hissed, surprised and hurt by his sister's reaction. He thought that she'd be happy to see him, happy to see that he made it._

 _"Taxi! Hold up!" Shirley cried as she tried to direct a stumbling Luke backward towards the taxi._

 _"What? Hey, I'm fine." Luke shrugged her off him and smiled down at her, "I'm fine. I'm fine. I just... I just wanted to make sure I got to tell her that I was happy—"_

 _"Look at me," Shirley demanded and Lucy's heart stopped._

 _She had been so happy that Luke had come. Now she didn't have to be the maid-of-honor without a dance partner, a dance partner that wasn't her boyfriend. She didn't have to feel excluded from the group—even though Shirley and Theo would never, she saw some of the looks Nell's friends gave her—or alone._

 _She thought that'd he'd been improving... that'd he'd be there for her and their child sooner rather than later. Lucy saw Shirley's pleading glance towards her, but she felt like she couldn't move. What was she supposed to do? Tell him to leave? She knew that was what Shirley wanted her to do but she didn't want him to go. She wanted him to stay._

 _"What?" Luke sighed._

 _"Look at me," Shirley demanded once more, making eye contact with Lucy before looking back at Luke._

 _Lucy watched from the patio as Luke shuffled on his feet before sighing and locking eyes with Shirley. Even though she wished Luke could see her, she was glad that he hadn't. She didn't know what she'd say if he did, if he started talking to her._

 _"You're high." She heard Shirley say and her heart dropped, along with her hand from her stomach._

 _"No," She heard Luke deny as he shook his head, the panicked laugh was enough to tell her that Shirley was right, "No, I'm not."_

 _"So you got the day pass?" Shirley questioned, her face showing her aggravation as did her voice._

 _"Yeah. They're very supportive." Luke nodded._

 _"Luke, I paid for rehab. We both did," Lucy watched as Shirley referenced to her, and she felt her breath catch in her throat as Luke turned, the two locking eyes. His whole face seemed to soften at the sight of her, that was something both Lucy and Shirley noticed. Lucy watched as his eyes trailed down her form, lingering on her eyes for a second longer, "Guess who they called when you ran away last week? Last week!"_

 _"Um, Shirl," Luke said, his attention turning to Shirley, "She's expecting me to be here."_

 _"No, she's not. Nobody is." Lucy heard Shirley say, her voice was harsh, she wanted it to sting. She wanted him to feel the hurt and pain she felt every time she got a call._

 _"Shirley," Lucy warned, speaking for the first time, and Luke and Shirley immediately looked at her. What she was saying wasn't true and Luke didn't deserve to be treated like that, "That's enough."_

 _Shirley sighed and faced Luke, trying to soften her tone but it didn't work, "Today's about Nell._

 _"Y-yeah." Luke agreed._

 _"Do you get that? This is her day. You're not smearing your shit all over her day, Luke."_

 _"Shirley," Lucy snapped, finally making her way off the patio and standing slightly in front of Luke, as if she were trying to shield him for Shirley's harsh word. Her hand subconsciously reached behind her and grasped Luke's giving it a soft squeeze, "That's enough. I know you're upset but that does not give you the right to talk to him like this."_

 _It did. Both she and Shirley knew that, but today wasn't Shirley's day. It was Nell's._

 _"He's going to ruin the wedding, Lucy. What don't you understand." Shirley stressed and she watched as Luke took a step forward, towering over Lucy's figure and making it so her back was touching his chest._

 _"Shirl, I'm level, I just," Luke tried to explain, breathing in deeply, "I just really want to be here for her."_

 _"You should've thought that before you put the needle in your arm. What's the cab?" Shirley asked, ruffling through her wallet, "Twenty? Thirty? Here's a hundred. You can shoot up the rest, I don't care."_

 _"Shirley!" Lucy gasped, her respect for her 'older sister' dropping to nothing. But both Luke and Shirley ignored her and Lucy looked up at Luke, feeling her heartbreak when she saw the familiar gaze in his eyes as he stared at the money._

 _She thought... she thought for maybe one moment, one day she had him back._

 _"This is the last I ever give you." Shirley continued, "No more loans, no more treatment center, nothing. The store's closed. I'm done."_

 _She could feel Luke fighting from behind her. He didn't want to, she knew he didn't want to, but if it would make Nell happy... Shirley happy, he'd do it. Lucy opened her mouth to argue with him, Shirley, or both of them, but her mouth went try when Luke let go of her hand and grabbed the money._

 _When she watched him walk away, she wondered if she should wait. If this was all going to worth it in the end, and if this was the right path for their child._

 _It was then Lucy decided that Luke had six months to clean up his act. She was giving him half a year, and if he couldn't do it by then, then she was done._

 _For good this time._


	4. lull

_Lucy clutched Mr. Berry tight to her chest as her hazel eyes stared at the door. She couldn't look away. If she looked away then something bad would happen, and she couldn't let anything bad happen to the Crain's. The only light that shone throughout the room was from the moon and Lucy didn't bother to get up and close her curtains, something that was feeding into her imagination, because if she got up, she'd have to stop looking at the door._

 _So, Lucy sat in the utter silence, her heart jumping at every creak and groan the house gave as she squeezed Mr. Berry tighter to her chest. She had wanted to sleep in the same room as Luke and Nellie but she was a big girl, she couldn't bother Mr. and Mrs. Crain with her childish imagination... at least, that's what her mom told her._

 _Even though they had only been at the house for a few weeks, Lucy knew the layout well. She had spent countless hours playing hide and seek with Luke and Nellie, and always silently rejoiced when she found a new hiding place._

 _Lucy glanced at the clock on her bedside table, her shoulders dropping in relief as she saw the minute hand closing in on the twelve. The mere glance was less than a second, but her heart dropped and dread filled her stomach as she heard the doorknob rattle. She held her breath and sat deathly still as she watched the knob twist back and forth, her eyes filling with tears at the thought of the door scraping open._

 _She hoped that the sound of the door would alert Luke and Nellie, or at least Steve, that something was wrong, but every night was the same._

 _Lucy didn't understand why everything had gone so terribly wrong, for it had only been two weeks since her nightmare had come to life._

 _Her heart was pounding and Lucy felt the bile collect in her throat as the knob starting twisting fast and faster, the door shaking with an unseen strength. Lucy finally caved. Squeezing her eyes shut, she slammed her body down on the bed and threw the cover over her, clutching the fabric. Her childish mind was telling her that everything was fine; that if she couldn't see the monster, then the monster couldn't see her._

 _Lucy listened, her breath shaky and her heart pounding in her ears, for the door to stop rattling. What felt like an eternity had passed—which, in the reality of the situation, had only been a minute or two—the rattling stopped. However, Lucy still hid under her covers, knowing the game that was played and knowing even though it sounded like it was gone, it wasn't._

 _When her heart had finally calmed in her chest and her breathing slowed down, Lucy pulled herself out from beneath her curtains, her hands trembling as she did so. Cautiously glancing around her room with wide eyes, Lucy let out a breath of relief and closed her eyes, the exhaustion that was hidden by the adrenaline finally collecting her in its arms._

 _Wearily blinking her eyes open, a scream echoed around the room as Lucy's body gave out on itself. She couldn't move. Her arms felt heavy, her legs didn't want to work, and her body lazily fell back against the headboard. She was crying now, tears streaming down her cheeks as she wildly thrashed her heavy body and screams resonating around her room. Why wasn't anyone coming? Couldn't they hear her? Why couldn't they hear her?_

 _She wanted Luke. She wanted Luke and Nellie. She wanted Luke, Nellie, Steve, Shirley, and Theo._

 _She had to get to there room. If she was there, then she was safe and it couldn't get her._

 _But she couldn't move._

 _It was staring at her. Where its eyes had once been, were now two empty sockets and Lucy watched in horror as a thin stream of blood slowly ran down its face. Its skin was patched with some areas rotting, some stretched tight over the bone or some missing skin in general. Lucy sobbed as it reached its hand out towards her, and she shrunk into the bed, violently shaking her head._

 _The decaying flesh was going to touch her... it was going to take her away._

 _Bracing herself, Lucy waited for the feeling of cold, mushy flesh and she recoiled as far back as she could._

 _The hand was getting closer and she turned her head away, squeezing her eyes shut, but she could still see its hand getting closer, and closer, and closer. Just as it was about to touch her, it stopped and Lucy peaked an eye open. A heart-stopping scream reverberating through the house._

 _She could hear the sound of footsteps thudding and the calls of her name, but she couldn't respond, her mouth hanging open._

 _She was staring into a void of nothing as deep red spotted her sheets._

Lucy woke with a scream.


	5. iv

_"Do you see anything?" Luke asked Lucy, watching as she stood on her tippy toes to peer inside the small, black tunnel that was presented in front of both him and Nellie. The two watched as Lucy tightly gripped the round edge of the tunnel and tilted her head, almost as if she were trying to see deeper._

 _Squinting her eyes, Lucy tried to angle her head in a different direction to allow some light to come in. Internally, she was sulking. She didn't understand why Nellie and Luke wanted her to look inside it. She was the shortest of the three and, coincidentally, the youngest. Pulling her head away, she rocked back on her heels before turning to look at the two inquiring eyes._

 _"No, it's too dark," Lucy said and watched as Luke's shoulders slumped with disappointment. A frown crossed her lips at his action, and she felt her own shoulders slump too. If only she had been a little taller than maybe she would've been able to see what was inside._

 _"Maybe you send messages through it?" Luke guessed as the three of them stared curiously at the tube-like structure. It reminded Lucy of the trumpet her father kept stored in a case next to the piano at her family home._

 _"What'd you find?" Lucy's head snapped to the side and she gave Theo a bright smile. If there was an older kid there, they were almost certain to know what it was. Lucy's expression faltered for a moment—thinking that since Steve and Shirley were older than maybe they had a better chance of knowing what it was—before shrugging the thought off._

 _Luke shrugged as he watched his older sister approach him, "Don't know."_

 _"Here." Theo nudged Lucy, Nellie, and Luke out of the way, "Let me see."_

 _Lucy watched with large, inquisitive eyes as Theo grabbed onto the trumpet-like structure, her face crumpling into a look of confusion. Lucy turned her head to share a look with Nellie, neither of them understanding what exactly was going on._

 _"What?" Luke asked as Theo hummed in thought, her thumb rubbing against the cold metal._

 _"It's like a...telephone..." Theo said and Lucy watched as the look of confusion on her face remained. Lucy pursed her lips and tilted her head, maybe she should have gotten Steve or Shirley, "But for inside the house. Here, Nellie, Lou, you stay there. Come on."_

 _Lucy watched with furrowed brows as Theo guided Luke out of the room and towards the stairs. Looking to her side, she noticed that Nellie had the same expression on her face and Lucy shared a look with her before they both looked back at the 'telephone'._

 _"I wonder what it does," Lucy said, tracing her fingers on the rim of the 'telephone'. When she drew her hand back, she expected to see dust covering her small finger, but merely blinked when she saw that her finger was clean._

 _"Well, if it's a telephone, you probably talk to one another," Nellie stated matter-of-factly to Lucy as she peered closer to the telephone, ignoring Lucy's slight glare._

 _"I know how a telephone works," Lucy couldn't help but snap. She knew she was younger than them, but that didn't mean that they always had to treat her like the baby. Technically, Nellie was the youngest one in the Crain family—and boy, did Luke like to bring it up—and Lucy wasn't part of the Crain family; therefore, Nellie didn't have the right to tell her what to do._

 _Nellie seemed to have ignored whatever Lucy said, for all she did was cup her hands around the telephone before pushing her face in and speaking, "Hello? Hello, can you hear me? This is Eleanor Crain calling."_

 _"And Eloise Grace!" Lucy couldn't help add, not wanting to be left out of their exciting discovery. Her mom and dad were gonna be so proud of her for discovering this new type of 'telephone'. They may even want to place one in their current house and Lucy's eyes lit up at the thought._

 _"I can hear you, Nellie and Lou," Luke responded and Lucy erupted into a fit of giggles. Right as she was about to open her mouth and respond, Nellie held up her hand and shook her head, a playful look on her face._

 _"You have to say your name so I know it's really you," Nellie stated, and the two girls giggled as they heard Luke sigh dramatically._

 _"Luke Crain!"_

 _"If you're really Luke, what's your favorite kind of pudding?" Nellie asked._

 _"Um, rice?"_

 _"No, that's Lucy's favorite type. Yours is chocolate vanilla chocolate."_

 _"No, it's rice now." Luke shot back, "Lucy gave me some of hers and it's better than chocolate vanilla chocolate."_

 _Lucy smiled when Nellie looked at her, exasperated with Luke's responses, and shrugged._

 _"It's true," She said, "Rice is better than chocolate vanilla chocolate."_

 _Lucy couldn't help but laugh as Nellie rolled her eyes before yelled into the telephone, "You need to tell me things like this, Luke."_

 _"I am telling you." Luke sassed._

 _"Hello?" Lucy called, gently moving Nellie out of the way of the telephone, "Luke, can you hear me?"_

 _"Yes, I can hear you." Luke snapped, annoyed at his sister's and friend's tricks. Lucy only stifled a giggle before wiping her face of any emotion and continuing on as if she hadn't heard him._

 _"Hello?"_

"Does someone want to see their Auntie Theo?" Lucy cooed as she bounced Matilda up and down in her arms, her laughter sounding like music to Lucy's ears. "Was that a yes?"

Blowing raspberries into Matilda's cheeks, Lucy carefully made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. She and her daughter had yet to see the middle Crain child and Matilda was kicking her legs out with excitement—or energy, but to Lucy, they were the same thing. Turning sharply around the corner, Lucy couldn't help but laugh as Matilda let out a squeal at the sudden movement before she erupted into a fit of giggles.

If only Luke could see their daughter this happy... Lucy was quick to shake off the thought.

"There she is!" Lucy exclaimed, causing Matilda to look confusedly around the room as she tried to find what made her mother exclaim. Tickling Matilda's tummy, Lucy made her way into the kitchen before sitting down at the island and placing Matilda in her lap.

"Look who it is," She cooed before pointing to where Theo stood making a sandwich. Matilda babbled meaninglessly and let out a shrill shriek. Lucy smiled and shook her head, quickly placing a kiss on her daughter's forehead, before looking up at one of her oldest friends and smiling, "Hey."

"Hey," Theo smiled back, placing down the knife she used to cut the sandwich and brushing her hands off on her dark jeans as she made her way to Matilda, a bright smile on her face when her niece shrieked happily at her.

"Hey, Tilly," Theo said, quickly glancing at Lucy for permission before picking Matilda up and holding her securely on her waist, "How has my favorite little girl been?"

 _"Was the bad guy down in the basement?" Lucy casually asked as she sat in the treehouse with Luke, fiddling with two of his toy soldiers. The empty silence was the only thing that seemed to create any type of sound between the two and when Luke didn't respond, Lucy looked up at him with concern._

 _Luke was never like this. He never showed when he got scared and the fact that something in the house scared him... Lucy shivered at the thought. Whatever was down there had to be bad._

 _"Hey," Lucy said forcefully, causing Luke to look up at her with confusion. Her expression softened and she smiled softly at him, "It's okay. I'll protect you from the bad guys."_

 _Luke only nodded in response and quickly glanced down at the seven soldiers that were laid out in front of him, but froze. Blinking slowly and furrowing his brows, Luke stared down at the soldier that stood in the center of the arrow and quickly glanced up at Lucy, noticing that she happily played with one toy soldier._

* * *

 **Hi!**

 **Sorry this chapter sucks. Theo's was the hardest to write cause it took place in the past rather than the present.**

 **CallistosCrow: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that this story affected you in so positively!**

 **Guest: THANK YOU! I'm so glad you like it!**

 **MimsHyde: Thank you so much! I've been trying to improve and mature my writing style so that means a lot! And I'm so glad you like the story!**

 **Just-another-teenage-dirtbag: Thank you! I'm so glad you like it!**

 **LiveLaughLoveListen: Thank you! I'm so glad you think it's well written. I've been working on improving my writing style so it means a lot!**

 **Guest(ali94): Thank. You! I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT!**


	6. v

" _Baby mine, don't you cry." Lucy sang softly as she stared down at squirming, wailing infant in her arms, and gently rocked her daughter in her arm with hope that she'd fall asleep. At four months old, Matilda should have been transitioning into sleeping eight hours a night, but she seemed to be having trouble and constantly wanted to be held by Lucy, "Baby mine, dry your eyes."_

 _The shrill cries that left Matilda's lips slowly dwindled down into little hiccups as her dark blue eyes stared into Lucy's holding nothing but wonder. A soft smile graced Lucy's as she continued to sing, one of her hands reaching up and stroking Matilda's cheek, her heart bursting with love when Matilda leaned into her touch._

" _Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine."_

 _It wasn't easy… raising Matilda alone, that is, and the first two months had been hard. The first month had been the hardest, though. Luke had gotten serious about rehab after Matilda's birth since he had been too high to come to the hospital. When he was finally clean enough—and when Steve and Shirley decided that he could come in—he looked a mess. His eyes were red, and Lucy didn't know whether or not it was from the drugs or tears, he clearly hadn't showered in a few days, and he was jittery._

 _She didn't let him hold Matilda._

 _He was too dirty, both internally and externally, and Matilda was only three days old. She wasn't going to risk the chance of her daughter getting sick just to make Luke feel better about missing his daughter's birth. She had asked one of the nurses to bring in a cover for the crib Matilda currently rested in._

 _Luke could look, but he couldn't touch._

 _Lucy could see the adoration and love blossom in Luke's eyes the moment he saw Matilda. His eyes got wide and filled with tears as he slowly shuffled to one of the chairs near her bed and the crib. She watched him carefully, making a noise in the back of her throat when he got too close for comfort._

 _Luke sat there for two hours, just watching their sleep. Lucy could tell that he was itching to hold her by the way his fingers would flex when Matilda made a noise in her sleep._

" _You are so precious to me. Cute as can be, baby of mine." Lucy finished, nearly crying with relief when Matilda's eyes didn't flutter open._

 _Pressing a kiss to the top the top of Matilda's head, Lucy gentle shifted her daughter from her arms and into the crib. She stood over the crib, smiling down softly and admiring the light in her life. Matilda had her auburn hair but Luke's beautiful eyes, something that Lucy prayed for throughout her entire pregnancy._

 _The phone in her back pocket only had to vibrate once for Lucy to pick it up, knowing who it was just by the time and the day._

" _Hey," Lucy quietly greeted, "She just went to sleep."_

" _Guess I missed her again," Luke's rough voice coursed through the speaker, and Lucy couldn't stop the beaming smile followed._

" _I'm sure you'll see her soon. Your day pass is coming up. We can meet at a café." Lucy offered, walking towards the rocking chair in the corner of the room and sitting down._

" _Yeah," Luke said, and Lucy could hear the disappointment that he tried desperately to hid seep through the speaker._

" _Well, it's been thirty days now?" Lucy asked._

" _Yeah."_

" _Luke, I'm so proud of you!" Lucy exclaimed. The fact that he was finally thirty days clean… that was the longest he had ever been clean before and she knew that this time, this time he was going to be coming home for good, "I love you."_

" _I love you too."_

"Matilda Abigail Crain! What in heavens name do you think you're doing?" Lucy shrieked and Matilda laughed at her, clapping her hands together and causing more tomato sauce to spray onto the kitchen table. Lucy looked at her daughter, mortified at the sight of Matilda covered from head to toe in tomato sauce and rolled her eyes, "Watch out Peanut Butter Baby, you've got some competition."

Lifting Matilda out of her highchair, Lucy carried her over to the sink and turned on the water, thanking Theo for taking Shirley out earlier today. Lucy placed Matilda on the counter top and grabbed a spare, clean washcloth before wetting it and wiping the red sauce off Matilda's face. Lucy couldn't stop the smile from crossing her face as Matilda happily giggled and babbled, trying to grab the washcloth from Lucy's hand.

"You're a mess," Lucy muttered to herself before pressing a kiss to Matilda's forehead, her eyes sparkling with love, "But I love you."

Removing the rest of Matilda's stained clothes and leaving her to sit in her diaper, Lucy continued to wipe down her child. It was only at the sudden thud and sharp intake that Lucy turned around to see a mortified Shirley.

"What happened?" Shirley asked, rushing over and grabbing Matilda off the counter. Lucy couldn't help but huff at the older girl's action. She was handling everything perfectly well. Shirley finally turned her attention to Lucy and Lucy watched as her mouth dropped in shock.

"What?" Lucy asked when Shirley didn't say anything.

A sparkle of humor twinkled in Shirley's eyes as a laugh escaped her lips, "You might want to change your shirt."

"What?" Lucy looked down and gasped as she stared at her once white shirt. Of course of all the days she decided to feed Matilda pasta, she was wearing a white shirt. Glancing at Matilda and Shirley, Lucy held up her hand, "I'll be right back."

 _The car engine shutter to a stop and Lucy yanked the key out, glancing in the rearview mirror to check and see if Matilda was still sleeping._

 _She felt horrible._

 _Steve had told her that Luke was coming tonight for dinner and that she was welcome to join, but she just didn't have it in her to come… especially after Steve told her that Luke was bringing a_ _female_ _friend. If she could, she would come tomorrow but Steve was leaving for work early and he couldn't possibly put the pram together in the morning._

 _A part of herself hated her for needing Steve. If something broke, she called him. If she needed something fixed, she called him. If there was something wrong with her bills, she called him. The list was endless and, each time she apologized or made a fuss about it, he told her that it was his job as her big brother to make sure she was okay._

 _With a sigh, Lucy unclipped her seatbelt and exited the car, wanting to make this trip as quick as possible. Her mind was fighting itself. One part of her wanted to Matilda in the house to show Luke what he was missing, while the other part knew that she should just let her continue to sleep in the car. It was a quick enough trip and Lucy was close enough that she felt comfortable leaving Matilda in the car._

 _After opening the trunk and grabbing the box, Lucy gently closed it and locked the car. The steps to the front door were filled with dread and there were moments where she was ready to back out, but she knew that she desperately needed the pram. Steve had agreed to drop it off at her apartment on the way to work tomorrow morning._

 _Her hand froze before the door, inches from the wood. She wanted to knock… she desperately wanted to see Luke. To hug him, hold him, kiss him, take him home and reunite the family they had created._

 _But she couldn't._

 _The thoughts of his 'friend' filled her mind and before she knew it, she had dropped the package at the door and was opening her car door. She couldn't do it._

 _Sending a quick text to Steve, alerting him that she dropped the box off, she reversed and sped off, hating herself for being weak. She didn't look back as she drove off, but she should've. Someone had seen her pull up and walk to the door, their heart pounding in their chest as they excused themselves and hurried over towards the door. They opened it a second too late._

 _Heart dropping in his chest, Luke watched as Lucy drove away and cursed himself for being a second too late. For always being a second too late. His eyes dropped to the box next to the door and his heart broke a little more, knowing that if he were only faster, he could've seen his daughter._

"Is he alright?" Lucy leaned against the bedroom door frame, her phone pressed tightly against her ear.

"Yeah, he's a bit shaken." Steve's voice crackled through the other end and Lucy let out a soft laugh.

"Of course, he is. I—" The words caught in Lucy's throat as she stared into the empty bedroom. _It_ was here.

"Lucy?" She heard Steve ask, his voice full of worry, but she couldn't answer. The words refused to leave her lips and all she could get out was a pathetic whimper, "Lucy!"

It had found her again. It looked the same. Dark voids where eyes should have been and the dark blood streaming endlessly down its cheeks. Lucy could hear the soft pats from when the blood hit the floor and she tried to take a step back, nearly crying when she couldn't move. It was making its way towards her, slowly.

Lucy squeezed her eyes shut, willing the nightmare to go away and trying to remember everything her therapist had once told her.

 _One, two, three, four-_

Creaking an eye open, Lucy let out a stifled gasp as it was still there. Its face had twisted into a frown and it reached it's hand out, the rotting flesh smearing on Lucy's shirt as a foul odor invaded her nose.

" _I found you, my Lucy Locket."_

A scream tore through Lucy's throat as it lunged for her, Lucy collapsing to the ground before it could touch her again as Steve's yells resonated from the phone.

* * *

 **I normally try to comment every four chapters but your reviews are so nice and make my heart hurt (in a good way tho)!**

 **Nirvana14: Thank you so much!**

 **CallistosCrow: Thank you so much!**

 **AEMG18: Me too. I can't wait to write it cause it's gonna be a fun angsty time.**

 **mUSIC777: Thank you so much!**

 **Cloudedstargazer: You're review wanted to make me cry. Thank you so much. Saying that you wished Lucy was an actual character made my day 100% better and just thank you, thank you, thank you!**

 **Song is baby mine.**

 **Ana**


	7. vi

_"But I don't want to go!" Lucy cried as she stomped her foot, crocodile tears filling her hazel eyes. Her mother, Catherine Grace, stared down at her daughter and sighed, disappointed in Lucy's childish behavior._

 _"This isn't something that is up for debating, Eloise. You will be accompanying the Crain's for the summer while your father and I travel for business." Catherine stated, her voice tight and leaving no room for the six-year-old to argue._

 _Lucy glared at her mother, her hazel eyes burning into Catherine's honey brown ones as neither of them backed down. She didn't want to stay with the Crain's for the summer, she wanted to be with her mother and father... why couldn't they understand that? Yes, Lucy loved the Crain family as if it were her own, but that didn't mean she wanted to be stuck with the seven of them. Childishly, Lucy rubbed her arm across her nose and sniffled, feeling a flicker of satisfaction when her mother flinched._

 _"Eloise," Catherine sighed, pulling out a tissue from a box on the coffee table in front of her, "How many times must I tell you to use a napkin."_

 _"I don't know," Lucy shrugged as she took the tissue and squeezed her nose, pulling the tissue away._

 _Lucy grinned cheekily at Catherine before bounding over to the small tea set that was set close to the fireplace, ensuring that Lucy would not get cold, and Catherine couldn't stop the small smile that crossed her lips. Eloise was Catherine's pride and joy—aside from her son, that was. But, Eloise had always held a special place in Catherine's heart for she was, after all, the last and only daughter that Catherine had been able to produce._

 _"Mommy," Lucy called and Catherine looked at her daughter, Lucy's hazel eyes sparkling with happiness, the argument that occurred moments ago already forgotten. Catherine gave Lucy a slight nod to show that she was listening, and Lucy continued, "When will daddy be back? And Alistair?"_

 _"Your father will be back later tonight after you are in bed and asleep. Alistair will be coming home in July."_

 _Catherine watched as Eloise's smile dropped. She was aware that Eloise missed her brother, but he had school to attend and, in a few years, so would Eloise. Catherine was certain that in a few years' time, Eloise would understand the reasoning for her brother's absence better—that she would understand the family's reasoning better. Eloise lamely nodded her head before turning her attention back to the tea party she was hosting, taking an empty cup and flipping it upside-down on the saucer and placing the spoon across the top._

"Lucy!"

Her head ached and sharp pain seemed to be burning through her body. She swore that someone was calling her name, but it sounded as though she was miles under the water.

"Lucy! Wake up!"

She tried to respond. Lucy groaned as she opened her eyes, fluttering them back shut when a blaring light blinded her. She could hear a faint crying in the distance and her heart dropped as the familiarity of the cries came into mind.

 _Matilda._

She tried to push herself up but the moment she went to use her muscles, her body seemed to collapse on itself and she was crashing back onto the ground. Lucy wanted to lay there forever. Her body was tired, her mind felt fuzzy, and her eyes could barely stay open. Cold hands pressed against the side of her face and, instead of cringing at cold, she embraced it.

"Lucy, can you hear me?"

She nodded numbly. She knew it was Shirley by the cold metal that pressed against her cheek and Lucy frowned when Matilda's cries were quieted, her body tensing up but relaxing when she heard Theo's soft murmurs.

"Are you hurt anywhere?"

Lucy shook her head and slowly opened her eyes, silently thanking Shirley for blocking the light that had once blinded her.

"Can you speak?"

She hadn't seen Shirley this concerned in a long time... since the house, if she was being exact.

Lucy nodded.

"What happened? Did someone hurt you?"

Lucy's movements felt sluggish as she shook her head back and forth, her hair falling in her face and Shirley was quick to brush it back.

No, no one had physically hurt her.

"Lucy, hey. Lucy," Shirley lightly slapped the side of Lucy's face as her eyes rolled back.

"Shit."

 _"Where are you now, Mommy?" Lucy spoke into the phone, her tiny hands clutching it tightly as she pressed it harshly against her ear, ignoring the dull ache that was beginning to appear._

 _"England, love." Her mother answered, tiredly, into the phone._

 _"When will you be back?"_

 _"Eloise," Lucy winced at the harshness that bit through the phone, "Enough. You will be staying with the Crain's. I do not want to hear that question again."_

 _"Okay, mommy." Lucy murmured into the phone as she clutched Mr. Berry tightly to her chest, "Bye."_

 _"Goodbye, Eloise."_

 _The click of the phone being placed down rang through Lucy's ear as she continued to hold the phone. She didn't hear the footsteps from behind her, her mind off in another world—a world where she was safe at home._

 _"Lucy?" Jumping at the sudden voice, Lucy slammed the phone down and stared at Shirley, hastily wiping her eyes. She was okay... she had to be a big girl. Tentatively, Shirley took a step forward and held out her hand. She did not ask what had happened, Lucy would talk about what was wrong when she felt comfortable enough, "Let's go to Nellie's tea party. She has a spot set up for you and Mr. Berry."_

 _Nodding, Lucy grabbed Shirley's hand and winced at how cold it was. Nevertheless, her grip only tightened as she allowed Shirley to lead her to the playroom._

They didn't talk about what had occurred when Lucy had awoken.

It wasn't the first time Lucy had collapsed and been unable to speak, but it was the first time since they had left the house that this had happened. Lucy clutched Matilda tight to her chest as she sat at the kitchen table, her hand only leaving her daughter to have a sip of coffee. Shirley had taken off work to stay with her and Theo had taken longer breaks in her day.

A sharp whine from Matilda was what brought Lucy out of her daze and she stared down at her daughter with a smile. Pressing a kiss to her head, she shifted her in her arms and stood up, making her way upstairs. The sound of a chair rubbing against a wooden floor halted Lucy in her tracks as Shirley's calm—yet rushed—footsteps came towards her.

"Let me come with you." Shirley offered, but both girls knew that it was far from an offer.

Lucy nodded, refusing to meet Shirley's eyes, and the two made their way up the stairs and into the guest room. Lucy ignored the odd chill that crept up her spine as she passed through the door, the hairs on her arms visibly raised. Placing a sleeping Matilda into her crib, Lucy stood there for a few minutes. She didn't want to leave. She was afraid that something might happen even though she would just be downstairs.

She didn't want her daughter to have the same nightmares she had.

 _"If we're going to have a tea party, then you're going to have to learn the ways, Luke." Lucy sassed the taller boy, who had slurped his English Breakfast Tea too noisily for Lucy's liking. Nellie rolled her eyes at the two and daintily dropped a spoonful of sugar into her tea, stirring it before taking a sip and smiling at the sweetness._

 _"No, I don't." Luke retaliated, taking a bigger slurp. Smacking his lips together, he smiled cheekily at his fuming friend—Nellie swore she could see steam coming out of Lucy's ears—and, rather cockily, placed his cup back down, "I know exactly what I'm doing."_

 _"No, you don't," Lucy muttered under her breath as she daintily stirred her tea. Her mother had been very insistent that Lucy knew how to host and present herself at a formal tea party. Lucy had no idea why, but her mother stopped playing with her last year and everything in the house somehow felt and became stricter._

 _From the corner of her eye, Lucy watched as Luke picked up his cup and gave a long slurp and she gently placed down her spoon. Ignoring Nellie's giggle from behind her cup—which was covered in stars and looked very old—Lucy calmly folded her hands._

 _"You have ten seconds," Lucy stated, before counting down as Luke dashed up from his spot on the floor and racing out of the room. As soon as she hit zero, Lucy was quick to follow him, ignoring the sharp pain in her hip from where it slammed into the doorknob._

The concerned glances that Shirley kept throwing her way were starting to get on her nerves. Yes, she knew she hadn't had an episode since the house, but that didn't mean Shirley had to act as If she were walking on eggshells. With a sigh, Lucy stood up with the intent on making herself and Shirley a cup of tea but stumbled when a wave of dizziness crashed over her—most likely because she stood up too fast.

Something snapped in Lucy when she saw Shirley get up to help her and her blood boiled in unreasonable anger and annoyance.

"Don't." Lucy warned, straightening her shirt and glaring at Shirley, who wasn't surprised at this reaction, "I can handle myself."

Shirley softly smiled as Lucy made her way into the kitchen, reflecting on the fact that the little six-year-old she once knew too well was still inside the adult. Sometimes, Lucy forgot that they were a family and that it was okay for her to lean on them—depend on them—when she needed to. She didn't have to keep up the façade of being a 'big girl'—a term that she remembered hearing Lucy mutter to herself at the house when she was frightened.

 _"Be a big girl, you're a big girl," Lucy whispered to herself as she walked down the dark halls of Hill House. It was late and she was supposed to be asleep, but she got thirsty and went to the kitchen to get some water, forgetting how horrifying the walk to her room was, "Remember what you promised Mommy."_

 _"Lucy?"_

 _Lucy screamed at the sudden voice calling her name and covered her face with her hands._

 _ **If she couldn't see it, it couldn't see her.**_

 _"Lucy, what are you doing?" The voice—which she recognized as Shirley—questioned, and she peered through her fingers at the older girl._

 _"I was thirsty." Lucy said, her voice conveying the innocence and fear that she held, "And it's dark."_

 _Shirley smiled gently at the younger girl and held out her hand, "How about I walk you back to your room? That way, you don't have to be scared anymore."_

 _Lucy thought about the offer for a moment before nodding and grasping onto Shirley's hand, allowing her to lead her through the dark and to her room._

* * *

 **Hey guys, i just want to say that i literally love you all bc you're so nice, amazing, and supportive 3**

 **so each character has a personalized episode in the show, and this one is Lucy's! yAy! I know it's a bit short but there will be MUCH more to come**

 **CallistosCrow: You're the best! Thank you so muCH! I'm so glad you love this story and that Lucy's realistic!**

 **mUSIC777: Thank you for reading this! Thank you so much! and I'm so glad you like it.**

 **LiveLaughLoveListen: Thank you!**

 **Just-another-teenage-dirtbag: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like it!**

 **Guest: Maybe ;)**

 **Nirvana14: Thank you!**

 **ObsessedFangirl96: I'm glad you like it! But honestly me too. fUn tImEs are ahead**

 **Skyxcx: haha, glad you liked it! Thank you!**


	8. vii

_The house felt colder than usual and Lucy knew that tonight was not going to be one of her better nights._

 _Whenever it came, the house would feel colder… more distant and closed off. Which was weird for Lucy to think because she was talking about a house and not a person._

" _Lucy!" Lucy jumped as Nellie's screech caught her attention as she ran towards her, Steve not far behind her, "Run, Lucy! The monster's coming to get us! We have to save Luke!"_

 _Any fear of the night about to come quickly vanished from Lucy's young mind, and she was quick to follow Nellie down the hall and towards the stairs, hesitating and tripping over herself._

" _Lucy, hurry up! He's gonna get you," Nellie called from the bottom of the staircase, and Lucy brushed off her hands as she got back up and ran down the stairs, giggling wildly as Nellie grabbed her hand and the two ran towards the kitchen._

 _He had this odd fascination with the small lift they had found in the kitchen days before. He was constantly talking about all the possibilities at the bottom of the lift, saying that it could be a secret room filled with treasure or toys. Lucy wanted to believe him, but she always felt like there was something bad down there, especially after seeing how Mrs. Dudley responded to Luke peering down the chute._

" _Luke!" Lucy called, stumbling into the kitchen while Nellie went to check another nearby room, neither of them noticing that Steve had gone a different direction. "Luke! Where are you? The monster's gonna get us! We have to go!"_

 _The room remained eerily silent as Lucy rushed around it, checking under the table and pulling out the chairs. Stopping in her tracks, Lucy stood in the middle of the kitchen, stumped. She could still hear Nellie calling out for her brother, but if Luke wasn't in the kitchen… she had no idea where he could be._

 _A rustle from behind her was what caught her attention and she whipped around, fear clenching her heart. At the sight of the dumbwaiter, a smirk crossed Lucy's face. Of course, why wouldn't he be hiding in there?_

" _Luke," Lucy teasingly cooed as she slowly approached the dumbwaiter, "I know you're in there."_

 _Without a second thought, Lucy yanked the dumbwaiter open with a sharp laugh, a look of confusion crossing her face as she stared at nothing. Nobody was in there and Luke was nowhere in sight._

" _Luke? Where are you?" Lucy slowly backed away from, her back smashing into something hard and her body tensing. She knew it wasn't Luke, the build was too tall. She also knew that it wasn't Steve because it was softer and reminded her of Mrs. Crain._

 _But Lucy knew it wasn't Mrs. Crain for she was out in the garden with Shirley and Theo._

 _Lucy's heart dropped along with the temperature and she took a deep breath, shutting her eyes._

 _If I can't see it, it can't see me._

 _If I can't see it, it can't see me._

 _If I can't see it, it can't see me._

 _She had never been more wrong._

 _If there was one thing that Lucy was certain about, it was that an open casket was not meant for a baby to attend._

 _So, with that thought in mind, Lucy decided that it was best for Tilly to stay at Shirley's house with a sitter and her cousins. Even though the sitter that Shirley had picked was someone she knew well and trusted enough to watch her kids, it didn't make Lucy any less nervous. This was going to be the first time that she was leaving Matilda with a sitter. Back home, Lucy would leave her with Leigh while she went to work; not once did Lucy ever have someone outside the family watch her._

 _After the childhood she had, there was no way she was going to let her daughter be left with someone she didn't know._

 _As Lucy wandered around the funeral home, she couldn't help but notice every detail of the building around her. It was her way of staying positive—she guessed. If she didn't focus on the fact that Nell's body was in the other room, then she wouldn't feel sad and she wouldn't cry. She would be okay._

 _It wasn't working that well._

 _She could hear the rustle of Shirley's sleeve brushing against the silk inside of the coffin, hear the alcohol swish in Theo's glass as she watched Shirley prepare Lucy for the open casket, hear the rain beating against the side of the house, hear Shirley's and Theo's hushed voices as they discussed Nell, hear the echoing rumble of thunder. Lucy could hear it all._

 _Staring out the window of the lobby, Lucy watched as the rain slowly ran down the window panes. It was almost as if they were mocking the family for Lucy remembered every time tears rolled down Nell's cheeks, and with every crack of lightening it seemed as though Lucy could see Nell's reflection staring back at her._

 _She snickered, of course, it would rain on the day the family reunited._

 _Lucy turned away from the window, she couldn't stand the mock anymore and made her way towards Shirley and Theo, the emptiness of the situation finally getting to her. She tried not to look in the casket. She didn't want to see her best friend—no, the closest person she considered her twin's body laying there. But, in the end, she relented._

 _It was as if white noise were surrounding her and all she could focus on was Nell._

 _She looked as if she were asleep, which was such a cliché thing to say but it was true. As Olivia had, Nell looked as though she were asleep. The only thing that appeared different was the fact that she was paler than normal and… well, she wasn't breathing nor was she going to wake up. But, hauntingly, Nell looked liked Lucy remembered her and Lucy couldn't tell if she hated that or not._

 _Turning away and making her way back towards the lobby—she couldn't be around Theo and Shirley when they were talking about what Nell looked like when she came in—Lucy sat in a chair with her elbows on her knees and her head resting in her hands as she tried to take in everything._

 _In all honesty, Lucy didn't know what she expected when she saw Nell. A broken neck? Blood dripping from her mouth and ears? A horrified look on her face… like the one she used to get when she woke up from a nightmare? Lucy didn't know but she wanted to see something. Some sort of emotion to confirm that her sister was dead. When Olivia died and she went to see her, she could faintly make out her head wound behind her ebony hair; but she couldn't make out anything with Nell, and part of her refused to believe she was dead because of that._

 _Which was foolish because Lucy had just been in the room with her dead body._

" _Lou?" Lucy's head shot up at the sound of Steve's voice, her eyes bloodshot from unshed tears and her cheeks flushed._

" _Steve?" She barely recognized that Luke was behind him, her mind in too much of a daze to register what exactly was going on._

" _Lou, hey. How are you?" Steve asked as he shrugged off his coat and walked towards her, Luke hesitantly trailing behind him._

" _Good," Lucy scoffed, standing up and giving him a hug, squeezing him tight before letting go, "Well, as good as one can be right now."_

" _Yeah," Steve agreed, "Where's, uh, where's Tilly?"_

" _Left her at Shirl's with a sitter. I didn't think that this would be the best place for her to come to," Lucy said, although she wished more than anything to have her daughter in her arms._

 _Steve nodded at that before walking out of the lobby and towards Shirley, giving her a tight hug. The young couple stood awkwardly in front of each other: Luke not knowing what to do, and Lucy staring dumbly at him. Luke to note that Lucy hadn't changed much since he last saw her. Her cheeks had gotten a little hollower, she had larger bags under her eyes, and her hair was a little longer, but Luke knew that was from the shock of Nell's death._

" _Lou," Luke started, his voice wavering as his nerves picked up. He didn't need to say anything else before Lucy lunged towards him, her head resting on his chest as her arms wrapped themselves tightly around his waist. His body tensed at the sudden physical contact and he didn't know what to do for a moment before he relaxed and wrapped his arms around her, his large frame covering her from view._

 _Lucy didn't care about anything at the moment._

 _She didn't care that she hadn't seen Luke in months, or about that Steve had found him wandering shoeless in the cold, most likely high. Right now, all Lucy cared about was having a sense of familiarity… the type you got when you go home for the first time in weeks or when you drink hot cocoa on a snowy day._

 _To Lucy, Luke was her home._

 _And she just needed him to hold on a little tighter._

" _Luke?" Lucy called as she slowly pushed open his and Nellie's bedroom door. At the sound of her voice, Luke sat up in bed and put on his glasses, staring at the girl, "Can I sleep in your room tonight?"_

" _Sure," Luke scooched over in his bed and patted the spot next to him. During sleepovers at his house, Lucy, Nellie, and he would often fall asleep next to each other and Lucy always stayed in between the two._

 _Rushing towards the bed, Lucy dived under the covers and pulled them up, Luke gasping when he saw her wrist._

" _Lucy, what happened?"_

 _Following his gaze, Lucy pulled down the sleeve to her pajama shirt and looked away,_

" _The monster got me."_

* * *

 **Hi guys!**

 **I hope you all had a lovely week.**

 **Episode Seven will most likely take more than two chapters because it is such a long and family-focused episode.**

 **CallistosCrow: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked the last chapter, it really means a lot, especially since it was all OC**

 **Guest: Thank you so much! That means a lot and I'm so glad you like this story!**

 **Shimooo: I'm so glad you like it! Thank you!**

 **klutzygal12: Thank you so much! That really meant a lot! and now we can only wait for the results!**

 **If anyone's interested, i wrote a PJ story ( _The Pull of Water_ ) so please check it out and i'd appreciate some constructive criticism (trying a new writing style, very OC centric and I'm not used to that lol), also this will be my only self-advertisement in this story. **

**Also, please review! I love hearing what you guys have to say and what you like and dislike! And feel free to DM me with any question, concerns, or if you just wanna talk.**

 **See ya next week,**

 **Ana**


	9. lull 2

_Drip._

 _Drip._

 _Drip._

 _Lucy sniffled as tears of happiness and sorrow softly landed on Matilda's blanket._

 _She was officially three hours old._

 _And her dad was nowhere to be found._


	10. viii

_The wind pulled Lucy's dark purple dress around her, the front pressing against her knees as the back whipped wildly, and she couldn't stop the shiver that crept down her spine. She was the only person who dared to venture outside, Mrs. Crain had told them that it was going to rain later—and Lucy couldn't help but notice the far-off_

 _look in her eyes as she stared out the window. Rain never bothered Lucy and she happened to find the few hours before a storm the calmest._

 _The temperature dropped, the wind played music as the trees and grass danced, and the rolling black clouds appeared as an avalanche to those who looked up. Lucy's light brown hair seemed to have joined the trees in their playful dance and she giggled, her hazel eyes staring at the forest with wonder._

The moment she pulled away, Luke felt cold. For a moment, the cold that seemed to constantly surround him—the echoing feeling of coming down from a high—seemed to disappear. He felt _warm_. The moment Lucy pulled away, Luke feared that she would leave him… that she would join his other siblings and let him stand there like an outcast; but, with a soft smile, Lucy took his hand in hers and waited until he was ready.

Like she always did.

Warmth seemed to radiate from where their hands were connected but it didn't reach the entirety of his body, stopping at his elbow. The only time Lucy let go of his hand was when he went to hug Shirley, even then it was only for a few seconds. Shirley opened her mouth but Luke couldn't hear anything she was saying. His hand tightened around Lucy's as he slowly, _slowly_ made his way towards the coffin.

"It's okay," Lucy whispered, her thumb running soothingly across the back of his hand and he was reminded of how patience she was, how patience she had always been.

"Luke, can I get you some water? Something to eat? We've got a mountain of food. Anything you want." Kevin asked, Lucy mouthing a 'thank you' while Luke's attention stayed focused on the casket.

He couldn't hear, he couldn't think, he couldn't feel.

Not without Nellie.

White noise began to block out the voices in the room as his eyes focused in on the casket. He could almost see Nell's face—the tip of her nose and the rise of her brow—reminding him that this was not his nightmare and that this was actually happening. His twin was _gone_ … and he wasn't there to help her.

"I'm sorry," Luke breathed as he backed away from the coffin and dropped Lucy's hand, "I can't…I can't… I can't."

Lucy's heart dropped as Luke hurried out of the room, continuously muttering 'I can't' under his breath.

"Luke," She called, quickly following after him, "Luke, wait."

Walking into the lobby, a soft sigh escaped Lucy's lips as she stared at Luke's shaking form. He sat on the white couch, his head in his hands as his knee bounced rapidly. She barely made a sound as she walked over and sat down next to him, placing a hand on his back and pretending to ignore the sharp intake he gave when she touched him.

"Luke," Lucy cooed, trying to get him to look up and when he didn't she grasped his face lovingly in her hands, "Luke."

He refused to meet her eyes… to see the amount of love and adoration she had in them because of _him_ when all he did was bring her nothing but sadness. He had already lost Nell and he knew that he was going to lose Lucy too.

"What's wrong?"

He didn't answer her.

Theo, Shirley, and Steve joined them in the lobby, and Steve crouched in front of Luke. Luke pulled his face out of Lucy's hands, not wanting to look into her eyes, and stared down at the floor as the rapid breaths left his chest.

"You okay?" Steve asked and Luke let out a shaky breath.

"Yeah, I, um…" Lucy watched as Luke struggled to answer the question. His breaths shaky as he sniffled, "I thought… I thought I could do it."

"I know."

"She's right there."

"Take your time," Steve said, grasping Luke's arm, "We'll wait."

 _Lucy giggled as Luke chased her through the stadium stands, her hair—which had somehow turned a lovely auburn color—trailing behind her as her green sundress fluttered behind her. There was only a month left until graduation and the two teens couldn't wait to see what the future had in store for them._

" _Luke, stop!" Lucy laughed as Luke stomped on the bleachers, causing them to shake and her to trip over her own feet, but a pair of arms caught her before she could hit the ground._

" _Gotcha," Luke smiled as he pressed his face into her neck, lazily pressing a few kisses there and smiling when he felt her shiver. The two teens stood there, enjoying the breeze as they waited for lunch to be over—both silently hoping that it would never be over._

" _It's going to rain soon," Lucy commented, making Luke pull his face away from her neck—and smirking at the small love bite he had left on her neck without her knowing—and looked at her confused._

" _What?"_

" _Look," Lucy said, pointing toward the far sky and at the dark clouds that were gathered there before motioning around them, "The clouds are rolling in and the trees are dancing."_

" _The trees are dancing?" Luke questioned with a raised eyebrow, "You mean like this?"_

" _Luke!" Lucy squealed as Lucy spun her around, her dress twirling around her._

 _Together they danced with the trees to the symphony of the wind._

* * *

 **Hi!**

 **I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!**

 **Please review! Reading your reviews makes me so happy! and i love hearing from you!**


	11. lull 3

_Her hands were shaking._

 _This—this had to be a mistake._

 _Granted they had never been too careful—the idea of starting a family had always been on their minds—but this, this had to be a mistake._

 _There was no way Lucy was going to be able to raise a child._

 _The engagement ring on her finger flickered unevenly in the light as she grabbed the tests off the sink's countertop._

 _What Luke didn't know wouldn't kill him._


	12. ix

" _What's wrong with Cameron?" The annoyance she felt carried through the question. She was due in less than two months and still had a mountain of baby names to work through, let alone the hundreds of others that she had yet to discover._

 _Lucy's heart had dropped when she came home two nights ago. The books filled with baby names were scattered around the living room, and she wasn't surprised to find the fifty dollars missing from the 'secret' compartment in the bookshelf. Shirley had bought her one of those false books—the type you can store stuff in—in hopes that Lucy could hide the money from Luke when he came home. It worked for a while, but it was obvious that he had found it._

" _Nothing's…_ _wrong_ _with the name," Shirley said, looking up from the book in her lap as the glass of white wine rested lazily between her fingers, "It's just, it's just the meaning of the name isn't the nicest."_

 _Lucy raised her eyebrow, running her hands over her large bump, her hand stopping when she felt her daughter kick against her palm. She was getting impatient… they both were._

" _I highly doubt anyone's going to care about what the name means, Shirl," Lucy said, rolling her eyes as Shirley let out a huff, setting down the wine glass and closing the book._

" _Jayden's teacher assigned them to look up the origins of their names," Shirley stated, catching Theo and Nell's attention, "It's a very common activity kids do in school and I don't think you want your daughter coming home and asking why her name means 'crooked nose'."_

 _As much as Lucy hated to admit it, Shirley did have a point. It was a tradition in her family for names to have important meanings. For example, her name, Eloise. Eloise Amelie. Her name basically translated to' healthy hard-working God's favor'. Her brother's, Alistair Patrick, meant 'defender of mankind noble'._

" _What about Mallory?" Nell voiced, her eyes looking up from the black and white print as she searched for approval from both her sister and Lucy._

 _Lucy hummed as she searched the meaning on her phone, "Nah, it means 'unfortunate' or 'luckless'."_

 _The silence that followed didn't bother any of them for it was a focused silence. The only sound in the room was either the ruffling of pages or the clinking of wine glasses as they were set down or picked up._

 _Luke… Lucy's heart dropped, Luke hadn't been able to join them today. She had called earlier that week to ask if he could get his day pass for this specific day—so that he could help pick out his daughter's name—and they granted it to him._

 _He never showed up._

" _What about Matilda?" Lucy asked, her voice soft as Theo, Nell, and Shirley all looked up at her, "It means 'strength' and 'battle'. It's a strong name with a great meaning."_

 _A beat of silence passed._

" _Well, I like it," Theo said, slamming the book shut and tossing it on the floor before grabbing her glass and taking a long sip._

 _Nell nodded rapidly in agreement, "I do, too."_

 _Lucy's hazel eyes flickered to Shirley's face as she waited for an answer, hoping that she would agree. Shirley's face was passive, her eyes calculating as thoughts passed through her mind._

" _It is very pretty."_

 _Lucy beamed, her hands softly running over her bump._

" _Matilda Abigail Crain," Lucy whispered, giggling when her daughter's foot kicked against her hand._

' _Strength battle gives joy'._

If there was one thing that Lucy always had, it was patience.

She waited there with Luke, his hand tightly clenching hers as she ran her thumb over his knuckles. The other Crain's voices were drowned out in the background and it felt as if the world was only focusing on the two of them.

Which sucked to think because this was Nell's open casket.

Lucy could almost laugh. Nell had always promised to bring her brother and Lucy back together no matter what the cost was, she just didn't have to die to do it.

Luke's hand was calloused and rough, the tips of his pointer and middle finger dark with the residue of cigarette ash. Her hand was soft, her nails bitten and cuticles a mess. For a moment, Lucy felt that everything was going to be alright. Luke was back; she didn't know for how long, but he was back.

"Are you ready?" Lucy whispered, her free hand brushing against his cheek as she turned his head to look at her. His beautiful blue eyes contrasted greatly with her hazel ones, but in reality, they were—and always had been—polar opposites.

Luke let out a shaky breath, "Yeah."

Pulling herself up, her hand remained connected to Luke's as they walked down the aisle and towards the open casket. Luke was shaking, so was Lucy.

This was wrong, this was all wrong.

They should've been walking down an aisle, but Nell was supposed to follow them. The soft lilac maid-of-honor dress that Lucy picked out for her a year ago should have been trailing behind her as she gripped the lilies and snowdrops. They were supposed to laughing… celebrating.

Steve joined them at the coffin. His mouth was moving, but Lucy couldn't hear. It was all white noise to her, the room around her going out of focus as she stared down at Nell's peaceful face. She was drowning, the walls were closing in, the air was leaving her body.

This was wrong.

It was wrong.

She was wrong.

They had all been wrong.

"Luke," The mere whisper had escaped her lips and the next thing she knew, she was burying her face in her chest. His arms were around her seconds later and he squeezed her tight, his head dropping to rest on top of hers, his nose pressing into her skull. They were shaking, they were shaking cause it was all wrong.

Nell was the strongest person Lucy knew, she shouldn't have been the first to go.

Luke ripped away from her before she could realize what was happening. She was cold again as she watched him walk away, his fists clenched as he mumbled under his breath. When he left, she was always cold.

Maybe that's how Nell felt when Arthur died.

"Lucy, come here," She heard Steve's voice. She heard it but she didn't respond.

What was the point in moving if you had nowhere to go?

He was grabbing her arm now; she could feel his grip. He looked scared. His hand was shaking.

Why was he scared?

Wasn't Steve supposed to protect them?

He sat her down next to Luke. Or did she sit down?

"You okay?" Theo was talking. It was a stupid question.

" _Are you okay?" Her mother was crying, her dad was red in the face and spit was spraying from his mouth as he screamed at Mr. Crain. Alistar was looking at her, tears filling his eyes._

 _She didn't know why he was crying._

 _She was okay._

 _Couldn't they see that she was okay?_

 _Her mom picked her up and was carrying her._

 _Lucy blinked, her mom hadn't carried her since she was four… that had been two years ago._

 _Her vision was hazy but she could see Steve, Shirley, Theo, Nell, and Luke watching her parents take her away._

 _Steve's eyes were red, Shirley was crying, Theo was crying, Nell and Luke were crying._

 _Why were they crying?_

 _Couldn't they see that she was okay?_


	13. act II

_Ring around the rosy_

 _A pocketful of poises_

 _"Ashes, Ashes"_

 _We all fall down_


End file.
